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A letter about Forgiveness

Someone asked me for forgiveness this week. It surprised me. It made me pause. It felt more important than the apology that came immediately before the request. And I knew the answer immediately: “of course”.

The forgiving immediately brought me peace. It closed a chapter on what had felt like long years of fighting a fight no one would ever win.

It is easy to say you must forgive, and it can be very hard to do. I don’t think it is a process that can be rushed. It will happen at exactly the right time for you. Whether that is immediate, within an hour, one day later, one week, one month, one year or more. What is meant for you won’t pass you by. Everything happens in divine right timing.

So, these are my thoughts on the power of forgiveness and why it is the only choice.

Forgiving those that hurt us takes us out of victim mode. The trouble with feeling like the victim is it robs us of our agency and therefore our power. As a victim, we want to be rescued. Victimhood appears to absolve us of all accountabilities. But we must rescue ourselves, that is where our power lies. That is where we learn and grow stronger. After the struggle comes the breakthrough. No struggle, no breakthrough. And sometimes we need to break down to re-emerge on the other side, fitter, stronger and more resilient.

Try to find compassion for the person who hurt you. This may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but there is freedom in this.

Everyone is just another human trying to get by in this life. That is not to say that you must forgive and let them back into your life. You can forgive and chose not to engage with them again. But crucially you won’t be letting them live rent-free in your head if you let them go with a forgiving heart.

Forgiveness means the release of resentment or anger. If resentment and anger are not released it stays in your body and can result in physical pain, illness, discomfort, mental anguish, or any number of ailments. It can mean that you are having a conversation unrelated to the person or situation that hurt you, years and years later and the resentment comes out in that argument when the person you are having the disagreement with now had nothing to do with that original pain.

This morning I meditated on forgiveness and what came up for me was the question, ‘what would be the point of not forgiving someone?’

I couldn’t think of a good answer.

I would only harm myself by holding on to the pain and resentment of perceived wrongdoing.

This quote keeps coming to mind;

“Not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and then waiting for the rat to die.”

My not forgiving and not letting go, it would only keep me trapped.

Today when you read this, if you’re reading on Sunday, there will be a Full Moon in Leo. This is what Kirsty Gallagher has to say about this Full Moon:

This weekends full moon is going to show you more of what you’re ready for, more of what you’re capable of, more of what you have to offer – it’s going to be a moon of more as she pushes you out of your comfort zone and whispers ‘more’ in your ear.’This moon wants more you, more belief, more shining, and more asking for what you want. This is about letting yourself come back to life, back to light, back to full power and letting all of you begin to shine.'

It felt very poignant.

During the meditation session, I felt called to pull a tarot card for myself. I pulled the Queen of Swords. Again, this felt poignant. I have always thought of myself as the Queen of Cups. Cups represent water and I am Cancer rising with a Cancer Sun, so a water sign. My cup has always runneth over with an ocean of emotion:

Queen of Swords also has strong emotion, but they are held at a distance. She is sometimes described as the Divorcee of the tarot. Sometimes the Ice Queen. Jessa Crispin in the book Creative Tarot describes her like this: ‘the person who can put her emotions on the shelf in order to be a thoughtful ruler. But don’t be mistaken - the emotions are there. They are just a little distant so the Queen can get some work done.

I am ready to move on. Now that the forgiveness has happened, I feel much more Queen of Swords as I stride forth into the future.

Also, I would quite like to find a pair of boots like the ones in this card too. If you see any, let me know….

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