This is a letter about self-belief.
Self-belief often comes up in a coaching conversation, as it did this week with a client.
I remembered that I had written about this subject back in 2021 when I started writing my Sunday love letters. So some of you who have been with me since the beginning may be familiar with this piece. But I found it a useful reminder, and so I hope you do too.
Even after doing plenty of work on myself and with others, helping them with this obstacle, I still find myself sometimes thinking: ‘Who am I, thinking I can do this?’.
Especially if I am trying something new.
If you're about to embark on a new project, or just try something new, or you have set yourself a big goal, the spectre that is self-doubt is going to rear it's unattractive head.
That is when your inner critic is going to get really damn loud!
And there is a reason for this. That inner critic is serving a purpose. It thinks it is really helpful. It thinks it is protecting you.
It is going to sow seeds of self-doubt, to keep you small, to keep you safe. Because that is the job of the inner critic, to keep you small and safe so you don’t get hurt or humiliated.
Think about where you are on a scale of one to ten. If you're at about a seven in terms of where you think you are confident to get this right, then it's probably time you took the leap. And if you're not there yet, think about the next right thing to move you up the scale. Just a little bit at a time.
Get into meditation and go inwards and ask the question ‘What would I do if I were ten out of ten in self-belief’? See what comes up for you, what comes to mind? Then ask yourself the question, what is really stopping me?
You might realise this is all available to you now. You can give yourself ten out of ten on self-belief. It is you who is scoring you, no one else. No one else can, they are not inside your head. Only you are holding yourself back from doing what you want to do.
So try changing the question: “Who am I not to do this?"
I think as women we might have been taught not to get ‘too big for our boots’. As children, we are told not to ‘show off’. Sayings like ‘pride comes before a fall’ and 'self-pride is no pride' ring in my head, things that have been passed down to me since I was a child.
Before I changed the narrative, it didn’t occur to me that I could give myself 10/10. It didn't occur to me that 7/10 is just the default. It is what is safe, acceptable, and right. About average. That’s what we are supposed to be right, about average?
I say no, not anymore. Let’s be 10/10!
Sod average – why not say no to playing it safe?
What if you fail? Well, you will certainly fail if you never even try.
And much worse than that, you will fail by default.
I challenge you to think to yourself – what would you do differently if you were at a ten out of ten for self-belief?
What would you be saying doing, and showing up for? You may have other limitations, but how you score yourself in your head, has no limitations. Just play with it, and experiment.
Is it training in something new, building a business, moving house, moving country, starting a new lifestyle habit, or asking someone on a date? Or it might be stopping something that isn’t making you happy, a job, a relationship, a bad habit, a pattern of thought, or your inner dialogue.
You have to build up the incontrovertible evidence that you can do the thing you want to do and the only way you build up the evidence is by doing the thing.
What do you need to let go of?
What is really holding you back?
We don’t know what is around the corner, and no one can predict the future, so if fear of what might happen is holding you back, let me tell you what a spectacular waste of time that is right now. Because you can bet that what you are fearing won’t happen. But some other challenge will come and smack you full in the face. We can’t plan for every single scenario in life because we can’t know what they will be, so don’t try to control outcomes, it will only hold you back and stop you from even starting.
If you have already started and it feels like you started so well and then slipped back, then this quote from Marie Forleo is worth remembering:
“Success doesn’t come from what you occasionally do. It comes from what you do consistently”
This is something that I had to remind myself of recently too: to have patience in getting the results I want and to keep going. Results don’t happen overnight, but a mindset shift can happen in an instant.
You have to build up the incontrovertible evidence that you can do the thing you want to do and the only way you build up the evidence is by doing the thing.
The decision to change happens in a moment.
What intentions are you setting? What would you be intending if you had 100% self-belief? 100% sure you have it in you to go for it and achieve it. 100% sure you deserve to have what it is you intend to have.
I intend to be in the higher energy of love and above in everything I do to give it the best chance of success.
I would love to hear your intentions.
As ever I wish you a peaceful Sunday