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A letter about self love

I know that I have written about love before and I have written about self-love before, but each time I come back to the subject of self-love and self-mastery, I gain a slightly deeper understanding of it, it sinks in just that little bit more.

Yesterday there was a full moon in Scorpio and a lunar eclipse. I follow both Chani Nicholls and Kirsty Gallagher because I am fascinated by the moon and astrology. While many people laugh at me for this, I will continue to deepen my understanding of these philosophies. Because I enjoy it and because it helps me create meaning for myself and gives me a pause for thought each day. It helps me understand my inner world and my relationship with those around me. These last few days, I have been very tired and rather than becoming overwhelmed and pushing for more, I have listened to the lessons of these women and allowed myself to slow down. Just a little bit.

Kirsty Gallagher said this about this full moon eclipse that took place in Scorpio on the 5th of May:

“You’ll be able to see where you let unconscious fears run your life, you hold deep-rooted belief systems that don’t allow you into your full growth and potential and where you are staying, settling, hiding and accepting less than you deserve and are capable of in so many areas of your life.

But you’ll know, deep down you’ll know and alongside that, you may also have deep realisations about how much self-betrayal, self-abandon and self-sabotage you have put yourself through trying to hide from the truth and fit and mould yourself to the comfort zone you were trying to stay in – and this can be an emotional realisation.”

I got into a meditation to go deeper into what this means for me and I feel a shedding of another layer of conditioning that I had assumed was ‘just me’. A layer of conditioning that had been put there by our culture. A culture that tells us how women ‘should’ present in this world. How we should act and show up.

I also had this piece of wisdom show up for me again:

The difference between pain and suffering

Burning your mouth with a too-hot drink is pain.

Berating yourself for making a drink too hot is suffering.

Stopping drinking alcohol for me was an act of self-love. Letting go of the person who drank too much was one layer of shedding. Letting go of the feeling of shame that used to drink like that was another layer. Letting go of the label ‘alcoholic’ is another layer. Letting go of the need for external validation is the next one and so on and so on….

I return to this thought:

When you seek outside of yourself in another person, you’re outsourcing your power to that other person. But where does the feeling of love come from? It emanates from inside you. That feeling of love is generated within you. So it is only from a place of self-love and self-mastery that you can love another. Love has to start with you.

You are love!

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